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$749K Bucks Co. Home Wants to Hold You in Its Macho Arms

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A new listing for a testosterone-friendly dream home begins with a pragmatic boast about its "river views without the threat of flooding." Nestled on two acres in the unfortunately named Lumberville, this home is catnip to those whose cultural touchstones are more Brawny Paper Towel Dude and Parks and Recreation's Ron Swanson than Barbie's metrosexual beau Ken. That sweeping lawn demanding to be lovingly mowed! Those overstuffed leather chairs plush enough to lose a small pet in! The kitchen island made from what looks like a chunk of Huckleberry's Finn's raft! Why, you can almost smell the handcrafted ceramic spittoons full of masticated chaw through your laptop.

Make sure you love it, because it's a long seven-mile jaunt north to reach the twee, slightly more citified pleasures of New Hope, PA. In the meantime, you can test your dexterity and health insurance coverage by tinkering in the two-story garage/barn that's just perfect "for the mechanic or woodworker" that lurks inside us all.
Size: 3 bedrooms, 3 baths, 2,987 square feet ?
Outdoors: 1.94 acres ?
Extra space: Second floor "bonus room" with outside balcony ?
Parking: A 5-car garage ?
Price: $749,000

· 6659 Old Carversville Rd [Kurfiss]

—Yvonne M. Jones